1) The pitch.
2) A reflection on the feedback you received from your last pitch.
Most of my feedback was positive which was a very pleasant surprise. Many of the comments I received liked the energy I brought to my elevator pitch so I tried to include that again in this elevator pitch as well. Moreover, I kept the same intro in this elevator pitch because I received positive feedback on my hook. The most useful feedback I received was to include more personal information about myself in the pitch. Before, I never thought to include information about myself in it, but now i can see how telling the audience more about yourself can influence them more to buy your service or product.
3) What did you change, based on the feedback?
One of the critiques I received was to include more about myself in my elevator pitch. Therefore, I tried to also mention how I am a student myself which is why my idea means so much to me.
Hey Ava! I really like the fact you started with some hard statistics! It's a really good hook to grab peoples attention and to get them questioning what your product/service is! My one critique is it kind of looks like you're reading off of something, try to make direct eye contact with the camera to capture the attention of who you're speaking to. Other than that I think you did a great job :)
ReplyDeleteHi Ava,
ReplyDeleteGreat pitch! You did a wonderful job bringing in statistics, as well as personal experience, to illustrate the extent of the problem you are solving. Just a few suggestions to make a great pitch even better...
- Be wary of the background. I found your photo board, bed, and window slightly distracting from the subject - you
- Be solid in what your solution is, even if you are not exactly sure what your business concept is or what services you will offer. Just pick something and roll with it - you can always change it later.
- Lastly, try not to look down (and read your script?). Practice a few more times, and I be you'll have it mostly memorized!
Overall, nice job!
Ava,
ReplyDeleteI thought your second elevator pitch went great! You did indeed include enough information about yourself during this pitch. The context that you are a student is great for this idea. think your business idea, while not completely laid out (which is fine, you have time to fully develop your idea), is very important for society. Within college, the increasingly intense pressure placed on students to have a full career path plan contributes to the mental health issues you explain. Great work!
Hi Ava,
ReplyDeleteI like how you started your elevator pitch by asking the audience questions. This is a unique hook that really grabs the viewer’s attention. Overall, your pitch was clear and concise. Your tone of voice and appearance were very professional, and you spoke at a good speed. Although it is different in a video versus a real-life scenario, one tip I would offer would be to make direct eye contact.
Hello Ava,
ReplyDeleteI think you did a really great job bringing the energy you had on the first pitch to this pitch. For the next time we practice a pitch, I suggest not looking away so much because it looked like you were distracted by something at times. Other than that, i really liked how you presented yourself and your product service.
Hello Ava!
ReplyDeleteFantastic opportunity, significant facts, this is something we all need to look into more. I am a UF Online student, and trying to balance my business and school can be soo exhausting, and sometimes I feel the pressure, and I get so stressed out. I notice it, and sometimes I have to get into survival mode, which is not healthy.
Back to you! I liked how you added a personal story to your pitch, it makes it more you, and it’s a great way to connect with your audience. However, I am wondering how you are going to make money? Who will help you to maintain all the resources that you are offering to students?
I think this is the only thing missing...numbers!
Good luck with everything!
Ava,
ReplyDeleteIn order to hook your audience off the bat you opened up with a question, which is an interesting and effective way to do it. Although it seems as if you were reading ideas in order to keep yourself on track that is normal. That one critique I had was just the background was full of things to look at, like the photoboard, Aside from that the quality of your post was good and the information it contained would let anyone know what you are pitching them. Keep it up!
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteHi Ava!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed the way you opened your elevator pitch. I think it was dynamic and intriguing. I agree with your post that from your original one there wasn't much you needed to change but, I think adding the personal information about yourself really helped to gather the viewer. Overall, I feel you have a very solid elevator pitch, it is very informative on the topic and know even more so about yourself.